He worked and worked....

 

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Arthur Schopenhauer

No matter how big the hill! 

Feburary Birthdays

 

"Oh My"

 

Olivia turned 7!

 

What a princess

 

Danny honoring the princess with her crown!

 

Danny's cake with a homemade twist on a store bought cake :)

 

He turned 9

 

What a handsome boy he is!

 

We had balloons galore, Maddi enjoying them!

 

I can't believe how fast time goes by and that our baby is now 7 years old; along with Danny 9 and Maddi 10.  Seems like yesterday I was changing tons of diapers.  I feel so blessed to be a mother.  I have to say it is a hard job, that is exhausting, terrifying, frustrating, never ending, and yet the best thing in the world.  It's all wrapped up with love, joy, hope, inspiration, satisfaction, and it is a gift!

 

“(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

 

Happy Birthday to two sweet kids that I love so much!!

 

 

Time stands still

 

Time stands still

 

Have you ever been in a place in your life when time stands still?  You can see others moving around and carrying on with their everyday things but you feel frozen!  Frozen in time!  It just happens and you don't even really know that it did!

 

That's when family and friends come and rescue you!

 

Rescue you from the cold, wet, frozen place where you have been!

 

They carry you, lift you up and give you comfort, strength and warmth!

 

 

 

 

Friends

 

You need friends, in good times and hard times!

 

This is what Lynne knowlton says about cancer:

 

I believe in HOPE . I BELIEVE in believing : Believing that there is light through all this darkness.  I don’t need to remind anyone that there is darkness in cancer.

It is so very sad

It is so very scary

It makes you cry

 It makes you cry the kind of tears that come out of your nose.  Not the pretty super model cry. A REAL cry.  Hyperventilate into a bag.  CRY.  Can’t catch your breath.  CRY.

Cry like you have never cried before.  CRY.

 * It tugs at the deepest parts of you that you didn’t even know existed * It shatters your belief system * It makes you doubt * It uproots you in ways that you didn’t even know could happen * It confuses everything * Lynne Knowlton

 

This is one of many reasons why you need a friend and why you need to be a friend!  Everyone has trials, disappointments, heartbreaks; but also triumphs, joy, successes, and who better to share all these experiences with than a friend.

So when your world feels like it is totally "FROZEN"  lean on someone that cares :)  Today I may be the mouse but tomorrow I might just be the frog! 

 

 

 

"BEAUTY"

 

Beauty:

Beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction.^[1] Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology, and culture. An "ideal beauty" is an entity which is admired, or possesses features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture, for perfection.^{[citation needed]}
The experience of "beauty" often involves an interpretation of some entity as being in balance and harmony with nature, which may lead to feelings of attraction and emotional well-being.^{[citation needed]} Because this can be a subjective experience, it is often said that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."^[2]
There is evidence that perceptions of beauty are evolutionarily determined, that things, aspects of people and landscapes considered beautiful are typically found in situations likely to give enhanced survival of the perceiving humans genes.

CANCER:

Cancer ⁱ/ˈkænsər/, known medically as a malignant neoplasm, is a broad group of various diseases, all involving unregulated cell growth.

 

How does Beauty and Cancer MESH?

 

Finding beauty in the C word= Joy *KILLER (Lynne Knowlton) is not an easy task!

 

My dad's cancer is back, not that it has ever went away it's just been at bay for awhile.  So my heart has been quite heavy for a month or so.  How do you find beauty in such desperate heart breaking times.  YOU LOOK FOR IT!

 

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

 

Monday I got to go to the ER in Evanston with my parents, which lasted 7 hours, and then he was transported to Salt Lake City to the Huntsman.  In those 7 hours I looked for beauty, and you know what?  I found it!

 

I found beauty in watching my mom and dad, watching my dad fight to breathe, to live, to be able to have one more day; and my mom right beside him!  I found beauty in their relationship, how they interacted with each other, how they laugh with each other, how they handle this huge trial.  They do it... TOGETHER!

 

I realized how much laughter can bring to the table.  As heartbreaking as the situation was and is my dad's humor makes things lighter. He had us laughing so hard, had mom almost in tears, you know the kind that makes your body move all over :)   The kind that makes your stomach hurt.  You know the good kind, the one that is good for the soul!

 

Even with needles, monitors, oxygen, tests, and more of everything.... Oh the groaning, the sweating, the delusions (from being dehydrated) the whole packaged deal... In that moment I found beauty!  

 

Thanks Mom and Dad for helping me see.... There is more to cancer....

 

PS.  This is for you Mom and Dad:  "I put the C word right up there in the same category as an enema.  Or drinking goat urine."  Lynne Knowlton

 

Know you are loved and inspire me!

 

 

 

 

 

If Plan A fails...

So I know it's been a long vacation for me : ),  (keeping up on the blog) (here I go Mom, who has been patiently waiting for an update.)  No school, work, Christmas, a New Year, and days off for the kids too.  We had a lovely break for the most part.  A few got sick, there were days that were just too cold to go outside. (one or more days that the weather would not get above 0).  Yes some cold days!  The kids found entertainment inside and their vacation soon came to a stop, and back to the old grind for them...  As for me I was sick with the flu, ear infection, body aches and feeling really yucky for 3 weeks, so all that suppose to be fun filled days I laid around most of it in bed or on the couch.  I felt a tad bit sad, cause the kids keep asking me aren't we doing something fun for break.  But.... remembering the quote above you just dive into Plan B, C, D, E..... Such with many things in life you make a plan and sometimes it fails.  Take for instants Math 1010..  It can have two thumbs down for me!  I ended up getting a C out of the class but because I didn't get 60 or higher on the final exam SLCC automatically gives you a D.  All that stinkin hard work!  BUMMER...  Needless to say I still need to do some forgiving it drives me mad.  So this just makes me have to go to plan B another semester of Math 1010 and hopefully on the final I get like 80 or better : ).  So my plan to graduate in May will change to hopefully Dec.  Three classes left, unfortunately 2 of them math not my strong point. (As you can tell from above)  In the end hopefully I can graduate with my associates only taken 5 semesters of Math and no, it's not what I am going into. 

Yes, this was a big long vent to myself so that one day I can look back at this blog and know that I can do hard things.  Things might not always go as planned.  There may be a bigger picture that I wasn't aware of.  And if Plan A fails, move to a different plan.

Funny, what might be so hard for some isn't for others, or in my case getting a C or a D my freshman year of college I would have thought AWESOME!  Now I expect A's and am so disappointed with a D.  Perspectives change in the course of ones life or at least it can.

I have to say although things can be hard, they also can be rewarding.  I've been reading a great book and one quote from it says:  "Undertake something that is difficult, it will do you good.  Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow."  Ronald E. Osborn

I love it, it rings true to me, and helps me let my OCD (wanting everything perfect in all aspects of my life) have a rest.  To stretch myself for new challenges.  Will I be perfect at them?  No, but if you never try in fear of "failing"  you shall never gain!  So, here is to a NEW YEAR!

My personal theme for this year 2013:

"Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change.  Life's to short to be anything but happy."

"GIFTS"

 

 There is something magical about giving a gift.

 

No matter the occasion it can bring joy to you and the one you are giving the gift too!

 

For Olivia:  This gift was for her teacher whose mother had passed away.  Olivia worked along time on the card to make it just right.  She beamed with pride as she walked out the door.

 

To others it may be a gift with a pretty bow or neatly wrapped!  But to some it is a "GIFT"  that you can't wrap up or put a bow on.  It can be a gift of love, hope, happiness, faith, charity, friendship and peace...  We may not be able to give all the expensive gifts but we all can give "rich gifts", ourselves to others.   Hoping you all find peace and happiness this holiday season.

"SEASON HIGHWAYS" ...

 

Once upon a time this was me, moving

 

 

and this was my DAD, saying goodbye..

 

along with my MOM...

 

I never have had a dog, but in this story there was POOCHIE...

 

and so they said goodbye... instead of me being the one to drive off...

 

It was them...

 

 

So my story goes they traveled down the highway south for another season....

 

and the travelers moved on...

 

"I believe that man's noblest endowment is his capacity to change."  Leonard Bernstein

 

I"m grateful that my parents have the capacity to change.  I admire them for the journey that they take down the road called "LIFE." 

 

If someone told me I had cancer would I be able to take that journey to the unknown with qualities my parents have took on, both as a caregiver and a patient?

 

Qualities such as: 

 

STRENGTH

COURAGE

PATIENCE

FAITH

ACCEPTANCE

GOOD ATTITUDE

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

BRAVERY

THE WILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT CHANGE

 

No matter what road we have to travel or the season we are in, it can be difficult, discouraging, and scary to have to face the unknown. 

 

but....

 

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives.  It is the one that is the most adaptable to change."  Charles Darwin